*I used some Russell Peters language in my article. The jokes are quoted from my memory, so it might be slightly differ from the original words. I recalled part of jokes by reading thestar’s report on this event, so some of it is the same as the article. Ironically, every sex-themed joke is not mentioned in the article.
2 tickets for Russell Peters show. I bought a pair of Bronze tickets that cost RM128+RM5 service charge.
Well, well, well….after those hard work I did for securing a pair of Russell Peters tickets for his first ever live show in Malaysia tickets, I finally got to see the man in person that everybody is talking on FB and youtube hotly. Me and my friend waited at Subang Parade at around 6.30pm, then my uncle pick me up and headed to Stadium Melawati for the show. It was around 7pm, when I have in sight of the stadium, but after 30 minutes I’m still queuing up for the typical KL jam and the real difference is that the stadium keep looking bigger and bigger. Ok, around 7.40pm I finally make my way to the stadium with my friend. Before we enter the stadium, just right at the entrance, those warnings like what we get in airport security checks starts to come up “No recording or photograph is allowed”, “Please hand in your recording devices”, “Handphone must be switched off, this includes no sms, bluetooth devices must be switched off”, :Strictly no audio or video recording permitted”. These messages are displaced on screens beside the entrance, repeated by the organizers; so I guess my motive of getting part of the show recorded is failed! At the entrance, tickets were scanned carefully using some sort of a UV light to scan your ticket to determine whether this is a real ticket that was purchased. This process is not done only once, not twice, three times in total! Which means 3 different people checked my ticket! It gives me a feeling that I’m on the jet heading to America now!
Russell Peters banner in front of the Stadium’s Entrance.
Jamming all the way to the stadium. 30 minutes for this road alone.
After clearing all those check, it’s my turn to get my own check, head to the toilet to get some bladder check. I was holding the ticket with my hand. Haha, then something epic nearly happen. As I was about to get ready to pee, my ticket slipped from my hand ..........................................................................................................
LUCKILY, I manage to grab my ticket back or else my ticket will ended up in the toilet “longkang” water, it was like inches away from the water, I can’t imagine what I will do if the ticket ended up in the smelly water. I was saying to myself, “that was closed to become a big disaster if that ticket really drops into that smelly shitty water”. After that, time to locate my seats, ROW: Q, SEAT: 6. with the help of the organizers, a few minutes later I finally managed to find my seat. Sat down at my seat at around 8pm, still 10% of stadium is full only, and where are all the people? So, me and my friend seated there and wait for the show to start.
This was the security check I’m talking about. You can see tight checking from a couple of guys there.
Before the show started, I get some “pre-show” from my friend and this young nerd that was sitting in front of me. My friend starts talking about his experience with this damm KTM train. He needed 2 hours and 30 minutes from Subang to reach Kepong. I have personally heard this kind of story a couple of times, all thanks to our “people first” 1Malaysia government. Back to this young nerd in front of me, he was like shaking here shaking there with the beat of the DJ’s music, thinking he was with Russell in Bollywood movies! I was tempted to say this to him, “Be A Man, do the right thing, stop shaking, it’s annoying!”
Then that same announcement keeps winding around, I heard it like almost 20 times. “Please be noted that all recordings are not allowed…..blah blah blah…. Or else you are at risk of being ejected; or bare the embarrassment….blah blah blah…..” It sounds like they are going to eject anybody that tries to record into the sky and hit the ceiling of the stadium. 8.30pm sharp, the stadium was only like 50% full. I wondering can’t Malaysians practice good timing habits? Where’s everybody? I thought this was a sellout crowd? Just feel ashamed, why Malaysians can’t just be on time, practice some good habits. Or next time I will be hearing this on Russell’s show outside of Malaysia, “You know Malaysians, they produce the worst clock in this world. Their clock is ticking slower and slower every day and they are always late because of this”. We waited and waited, and then people starting to move into the stadium and get their seats. At 8.55pm, the show FINALLY started.
Everybody thought Russell showed up, but NO…. it was his friend from Los Angeles named Joey Medina who starts the show. I guess this was like a warming-up for Russell’s performance. His act lasted around 10 minutes; it really looks like having a starter before having the main course. Can’t really remember much of his joke, there was this joke he talks about the movie “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”. He asked the audience, “Do you know how long chimpanzee’s penis is? It’s 2cm only!” Then he started to quote the movie, “That’s why those chimpanzees wanted to start a revolution of taking over mankind. They are envy at ours! They want to be us!”. “The leader of these chimpanzees say to their fellow chimpanzees: shoot the black and white guy no matter what; Asian guy, tight them up first, in case there’s not enough black”. LOL!!
I watch it mostly through the two screens beside the stage. Russell looks like an ant from my position.
Then, it was the time the whole crowd was waiting for. RUSSELL PETERS is going to perform!! But before he perform, Russell show us a short video clip of him wearing different kinds of attires, from wearing a sari to wearing a Chinese costume to wearing an attire Saudi women wore(Don’t know how to call it), all sort of attires with different face expressions that makes part of crowd start laughing. At the end of the clip, he showed up with a shirt, with the Malaysia flag on it. Now, surely all the audience knows he’s coming out, and then the MC started announcing “You wanted the best, you got the best. The fastest selling comedy show in Malaysia history…..Russell Peters!!” The crowd started to welcome Russell with the with shouts and screams heard. For the first time in Malaysia, the comic Russell sauntered on the stage of Malaysia.
He started the show talking about how awesome his DJ was. “A real DJ is ….. This is not the correct way as a DJ…….( doing some facial expressions and some action)” Actually at that point, you can see the organizers are starting to do their job, moving up and down avoiding people to record. Some of them even take a torch light and start pointing at the crowd, trying to make sure nobody records. They just look like CSI investigators in the TV, scouting for evidence of recording instead of the crime.
“Any Australians in the house?” Then some Australians start screaming. “You guys have the worst fxxking accent in the world”. “I was talking to this Australian guy, he asked me: How you going, mate?” Russell then continued, “What kind of greeting is that? What do you mean, anyway? Are you interested in my mode of transportation?” “How am I going? Probably by car” “They are combining two sentences into one! They are combining “How are you?” and “Where are you going?”
As usual, he tries to take some of the crowd for fun. There was this Nigerian guy sitting at the first row, an Indian girl was beside him, I supposed she is his girlfriend. At first, RP asked “Is that a black guy over there? Hey man, what are you doing here? ” “Where are you from? Nigeria” “Is that your girlfriend, an Indian girl?” RP then continued, “OOOOH, her parents are never going to talk to her again!” As usual, he loves to mock his own Indian people. Russell continue saying: “What did you take? I mean what are you studying here? I don’t mean what are you stealing but what course are you taking? Nigerian guy replied him: “I study software engineering.” RP says: “Wow, no wonder you get an Indian girl, to help you with your work!” LMAO!! “That’s smart thinking, I like it”
Then, he starts his jokes with Arabs. As always he loves to have jokes with Arabs like what we saw on youtube. “Any Arabs in the house?” Then, loud screams can be heard again. “Suddenly, I feel like I’m not safe, do you want me to escort you out of the stadium?” Obviously, he was trying to refer this bunch of Arabs as terrorists. But, don’t be serious, take it as a joke. He starts talking about his experience in Jordan. He was with this guy named Achmed throughout his trip at Jordan. “I don't know whether this is a common phenomenon or what, Arabs won’t say NO even though they don’t know something. Anything, they will just reply “Yes, it is”, “Yes, sir”, “Yes”, “Yes”. It’s like they don’t know how to say NO”. Then Russell said, he was in a shopping mall in Dubai, he asked this guy where the elevator is. “Yes, turn left, turn right then turn left”. RP: “So, I did what he told me, turn left, turn right, turn left, BANG!! I hit the wall!!” RP continues, “So, I went back trying to confront this guy, this guy acted like he don’t even know me or said anything to me!” (Of course with some face expression and some impressive acting skills) RP continue the story: “So, I decided to ask for the other guy for direction. This Arab guy said “Turn left, turn left and turn left”. But, once again I hit the wall again! I think Arab just don’t want to admit that they don’t know a thing, everything they answer was just “Yes”, “Yes” and “Yes”” quoted by RP. “When the US asked Iraq, do you have any mass destruction weapons?” “Yes, turn left, turn left and turn left” LOL! After that, he was asking around the crowd is there any people from any other countries around the Arab region. Suddenly, RP asked this guy that was sitting a few rows in front of him which countries he’s from. He’s from Libya! Russell reply, “OK, Gadaffi is dead now, you are safe to go home!”
Then, he has some of his jokes sex-themed. “Every guy has a list of what they are going to do, when they date a girl” RP continues, “First one for sure, having sex with that person; second, “blow job”; third, boobs; fourth, vagina”. Then, this old lady behind me start to laugh like a crazy person, it sounds like she was even excited than the males!
He did some mocking on our neighbor country. When he talks about Indonesia, he said: “I was in Indonesia before today, the traffic there is really traffic. You know here, the traffic here is only one way. But back there, a guy driving through, PEE!! and suddenly he can turns back and drive in the totally different direction!”
“Anybody has a tattoo? You? How many tattoos do you have? Three? Four? Make up your mind, man. What do you have? An angel? Oh boy! And a tweety bird? A Tweety bird? Did you not think it through? What if you were murdered or it, and they needed to identify you. (Speaking like a newscaster) “An unidentified Asian guy with a Tweety bird tattoo on his tit and an angel on his armpit was found murdered. We are calling him Jane Doe because he doesn’t deserve to be John Doe.” RP continues, “You have to think these things through, man!” Then, he reply a guy who said that he has a dolphin tattoo: “Can you imagine how your tattoos will be when you are old? For those who get a dolphin, it will look like a can of sardine when you are old.”
Last but not least, he makes fun of Bollywood movies. This time instead of describing the scene we see in Bollywood movies, talking about his trip to Mumbai. During this trip, he met a Bollywood actress. (First of all, I doubt whether this story is true). Describing the awkward moment when he have to sit with this actress’s parents for a few hours. Then, he continued to describe his so-called “kissing scene” as he portraying himself in a bollywood movie. No point describing here, you need to be there to get the humor.
Overall, Russell was in top gear. He really didn’t disappoint his Malaysian fans. Yes, as previously speculated NO REPEAT JOKES in the show. But, about like 30% of the jokes are improvisations of what we heard before like the Bollywood movies jokes featuring he himself. After the show, I was wondering the next show the following night will go on after some really controversial jokes especially those sex-themed jokes. But, luckily they get the chance to enjoy it too. The problem for me the whole night was that Russell is as small as an ant from the place I sat although I already paid RM128. My friend described it as a “Live youtube show” because we see majority of the show through the two screens beside the stage.
At close to 11pm, Russell ends his first show here in KL. Before he left, he said “Thank You KL, you guys are really great”. Hopefully he will be here soon; I’m sure lots of people who don’t get the tickets this time, eagerly waiting to see him again. This has been a wonderful experience for me to finally get a chance to watch him live. It was TOE-tally fun for me to watch him live. (You had to be there to get this joke, he was referring to his father’s Indian accent) If I get a chance to watch him again, I will choose a foreign country to see his live show. Maybe he’s making great fun of our country as his native country India too!
Am I in India? NO!! Everybody is leaving the stadium after the show.
P/s: Sorry for the blur image. My phone's camera sucks.
By,
Zhe Xu
14/5/2012
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